Tag Archives: please understand

How I’m really feeling right now

No one ever told me
That life would be this lonely,
That the rain outside
Is nothing compared to the tears
That fall from my eyes,
That the lightning that breaks
Through the darkness
Is nothing compared to the cracks
In my heart. No one ever told
Me that life would be so sad,
That I’d start to rot from within.
That I’d start to hate myself.

But then I suppose I was naive.
Too young to realise that my dream
Could only ever be that,
A dream.
I come from a broken family,
A rundown, poor town.
I found my Mother after she’d tried
To commit suicide, called an ambulance
And helped get her back on her feet again.
I lived off food from relatives
And food banks. I buried my baby
Brother after he’d been born dead.
I tried to escape but wound
Up more trapped than ever before,
Crawling back pitifully.

And now I’m alone again,
And it really hurts.
I just don’t see the point
If all this, it never can get
Better. I’m just not good enough.
Everything is so shit,
And I’m almost out of fucks
To give. I’m done.



It’s time to be honest with you, a fact
To which I am resolved, you see the truth of
The matter is that I long to be within your
Arms, in your hold.

Words are the only option, I cannot tell
You truly, my mind starts to melt and my
Courage too whenever I speak to you, more to
The point I fear a frosty reception to my
Meaning, God forbid anything be delivered cooly.
(Now that would break my heart)

Please don’t pity me, it is something that is
Taken badly, just accept this fact and help me
Through it, we are friends and that’s all that matters
In the end, even if my heart accepts it somewhat sadly.

There, I was resolved I’ve told you the truth, I’ve
Been bold, I ask a lot I know, especially when I have
No right, the final and most important thing I need
And to you I Implore: don’t let it be awkward
Because of what I’ve told.

You must’ve known a while, well worst fears are now
Confirmed for you I guess, I am so sorry but I
Cannot help it, I scarcely dared to tell you lest
It ruin friendship. Now you will withdraw, stepping
Further away no matter how much I hope you will stay.

Please don’t hate me or find it awkward James, I never
Wanted it to be, not a single feeling beyond that of
Friendship did I want, yet every time I say your name
My heart flutters as if on stage. See, crazy as a summer
Day am I.

Resolution will result in disaster or acceptance, I
Tremble to think which, the truth in the open is
The only reward for my resolution.